People say things that just crack me up. Here are some things I've overheard recently:
"It's the quantity of dates that dilutes a single person's significance, and therefore the space they take up in your head."
"If I go to hell, I'm probably going to be sentenced to an eternity of repacking Amazon returns." (someone who could very well be on the Amazon returner's blacklist)
"Someone once told me they ordered a slot machine off of eBay and that's when they really realized they had a problem."
"Everyone should know their prune juice tolerance."
"It's the people that drive with their blinkers on that are going to be the ones getting all confused about 'going towards the light' when they die."
"I prefer to call the fact that I have to take medication 'Better Living Through Chemistry.'"
"Look, I'm not going to be that guy who's all happy living in the suburbs, walking his dog, and waving to the neighbors." 10 years later - married, with kids, living in the suburbs: "you know, this is what life is all about."
"I hope we've all learned that the streets are no place to exercise our rights." (lessons in legality)
"Just get food poisoning twice a year - that's the diet that works!" (someone with an innovative diet program)
"I get really nervous when my checking accounts drop below $10K." (the same person who also said...) "I should figure out my hourly cost of living rate -- no, even better - my 'per breath' rate!"
"Have you ever been grocery shopping with me? I have to get off the phone to concentrate on making a decision about GRAM CRACKERS and that takes an embarrassing amount of time, so no, marriage or kids are not in the works anytime soon."
